January 10th, 2017
My life with Mental Health issues started at a young age. Though at the time I didn’t know what it was that I was feeling. All I knew was that my life did not seem as happy and as bright as the other kids around me.
At the age of 16 I attempted suicide for the first time, my mother of course blamed it on something other then mental illness. She did however take my to a Psychiatrist who thought it would be best to put me on medication, which she declined. It has been an uphill battle ever since. There have been multiple suicide attempts since, thankfully however I am still here to share my story.
Dealing with any Mental Institution is difficult. Here in the Niagara Region it is next to impossible to receive help unless you know what you are doing. There is so much red tape to get help you almost feel like giving up. I just recently found out that here in the Niagara Region, the hospital is not equipped to deal with teenagers with depression, so instead they ship them off to Hamilton. There is a huge wait list to get help both for adults and teens.
As a parent that deals with mental health, I am used to being the one that is in the hospital, this time around the shoe is on the other foot. Instead I am the one dealing with my 14 year old being in the hospital. When the roles are reversed it gives you a greater appreciation for those that are there to support you while you are in the hospital. The amount of stress that it puts on you is almost unbearable.
I am hoping that writing this blog will not only help others in their struggles, but will also help me deal with my own struggles.
January 12th, 2017
Yesterday we went and saw my 14 year old in the hospital and then had a meeting with her Child Psych. The visit itself was hard, she seems to have fit in well almost to the point where I think she likes it too much and is too comfortable. If I had to guess why it’s because she doesn’t have anything to do as far as chores and all that. So while we are there she gets almost grumpy, if we try and have a conversation that is serious with her she shuts down which does not make me looking forward to her coming home. She needs to open up about how she is feeling with us and be actual to talk about things that aren’t comfortable with her, whether it’s a note or face to face, this is important so that we don’t end up where we are now.
The conversation with the Dr. went a bit better, there was talk about whether we start meds or not. It was either start them now or wait until she has started counselling when she’s out and if that isn’t helping start them then. So after my fiance and I talked on the ride home we decided that she should start them now, my fear is that if we don’t get ahead of this that waiting could make things worse. Now I’m not so thrilled about her being on an anti-depressant, I would rather her be on something then us not catching her while she starts dipping down and something worse happening. Thankfully it’s a med that I have been on and it worked well for a bit for me.
So they are going to be setting up a counsellor in town here until she gets into a full time counsellor. It’s what they call a bridge, just so she has some support while we get the rest of the help set up. She will be coming home Friday, we are picking her up at 2pm.
So she called me last night, like she has been since she got there, and I tried to talk to her about going on a med just to get her thought on it and all I got was “I don’t know”. I asked what her plans where for the rest of the night and again it was “I don’t know”. I suggested that she work on her homework we brought her and all I got from her was “I’m not thinking of the future, I’m thinking of the here and now” which to an extent I get, not a phrase that I haven’t heard myself in groups and therapy, but we are talking 5 minutes after we get off the phone. She kept changing the topic on me, and by the end of the conversation I asked what she was going to say to the Dr. tomorrow when she sees her, regarding going on meds, again I get “I’m thinking of the here and now, not the future” It’s getting very frustrating and I’m not sure how to deal with all this.
So I left a message with one of her team members about my concerns and I guess we will see what he has to say.