My Blog

January 10th, 2017

My life with Mental Health issues started at a young age. Though at the time I didn’t know what it was that I was feeling. All I knew was that my life did not seem as happy and as bright as the other kids around me.

At the age of 16 I attempted suicide for the first time, my mother of course blamed it on something other then mental illness. She did however take my to a Psychiatrist who thought it would be best to put me on medication, which she declined. It has been an uphill battle ever since. There have been multiple suicide attempts since, thankfully however I am still here to share my story.

Dealing with any Mental Institution is difficult. Here in the Niagara Region it is next to impossible to receive help unless you know what you are doing. There is so much red tape to get help you almost feel like giving up. I just recently found out that here in the Niagara Region, the hospital is not equipped to deal with teenagers with depression, so instead they ship them off to Hamilton. There is a huge wait list to get help both for adults and teens.

As a parent that deals with mental health, I am used to being the one that is in the hospital, this time around the shoe is on the other foot.  Instead I am the one dealing with my 14 year old being in the hospital. When the roles are reversed it gives you a greater appreciation for those that are there to support you while you are in the hospital. The amount of stress that it puts on you is almost unbearable.

I am hoping that writing this blog will not only help others in their struggles, but will also help me deal with my own struggles.

January 12th, 2017

Yesterday we went and saw my 14 year old in the hospital and then had a meeting with her Child Psych. The visit itself was hard, she seems to have fit in well almost to the point where I think she likes it too much and is too comfortable. If I had to guess why it’s because she doesn’t have anything to do as far as chores and all that. So while we are there she gets almost grumpy, if we try and have a conversation that is serious with her she shuts down which does not make me looking forward to her coming home. She needs to open up about how she is feeling with us and be actual to talk about things that aren’t comfortable with her, whether it’s a note or face to face, this is important so that we don’t end up where we are now.

The conversation with the Dr. went a bit better, there was talk about whether we start meds or not. It was either start them now or wait until she has started counselling when she’s out and if that isn’t helping start them then. So after my fiance and I talked on the ride home we decided that she should start them now, my fear is that if we don’t get ahead of this that waiting could make things worse. Now I’m not so thrilled about her being on an anti-depressant, I would rather her be on something then us not catching her while she starts dipping down and something worse happening. Thankfully it’s a med that I have been on and it worked well for a bit for me.

So they are going to be setting up a counsellor in town here until she gets into a full time counsellor. It’s what they call a bridge, just so she has some support while we get the rest of the help set up. She will be coming home Friday, we are picking her up at 2pm.

So she called me last night, like she has been since she got there, and I tried to talk to her about going on a med just to get her thought on it and all I got was “I don’t know”. I asked what her plans where for the rest of the night and again it was “I don’t know”. I suggested that she work on her homework we brought her and all I got from her was “I’m not thinking of the future, I’m thinking of the here and now” which to an extent I get, not a phrase that I haven’t heard myself in groups and therapy, but we are talking 5 minutes after we get off the phone. She kept changing the topic on me, and by the end of the conversation I asked what she was going to say to the Dr. tomorrow when she sees her, regarding going on meds, again I get “I’m thinking of the here and now, not the future” It’s getting very frustrating and I’m not sure how to deal with all this.

So I left a message with one of her team members about my concerns and I guess we will see what he has to say.

5 thoughts on “My Blog

  1. Thank you for sharing some of your personal stories with mental illness. I’ve had friends who have gone through a similar thing but had zero support from their family for years. Your daughter at least has someone with expertise willing to support her through it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve taken my blessings in having a normal mind with some exceptions of when life got the best of me. I had to get an artificial heart while I waited for a heart transplant and it put me in crippling depression because I thought that I was going to die. Eventually some light medication and Psychologist visits calmed me down. My parents supported me but had no idea how. I’m just glad that they told me to seek help from a psychologist.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. i can relate to both your experience struggling and with a parent who wasn’t supportive and your daughter struggling at her young age. it is so difficult.

    i remember not wanting to talk to my parents (though i did try, but they often just were not able to support me), and i didn’t really trust them either because for me, they were part of the reason i struggled. i did try to talk to the professionals, but i struggled so bad with dissociation and had very few words to verbalize how i felt. it didn’t make it easy for them to help or accurately diagnose me. they never really did.

    i had to beg my mom to let me see a counselor when i was 13 because i became suicidal. at first, she declined until i told her i was going to kill myself. then she never liked what any professional said and had her own theories (which were wrong) as to why i was how i was. she did agree at 14 to put me on antidepressants though, but now i wish she hadn’t of just because it took years for me to realize i didn’t have a chemical depression that a med could help with, and the meds for me were just horrible (or did nothing at all), it was all a manifestation of unresolved trauma that came out in various forms which they didn’t delve into or ask about and just tried to medicate. i was treatment resistant (not by choice) and ended up not having the necessary support for a long time.

    thankfully, now in my 30s, some things have leveled out some, and i just have a mild depression now. i don’t struggle near as bad as i did, but getting here has been hard.

    i hope that both you and your daughter can find the support you both need. dealing with the mental health system is hard no matter what side of it you are on. it is so limited.

    it took me two YEARS to even get a month-long assessment in an adolescent psych ward in 1999 or 2000. i was put in a general adult psych ward at 14/15 a few times, and then they wouldn’t let me back in which left that two-year gap before the assessment (which was useless in the end anyway).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sadly ours is a chemical imbalance with mine due to trauma as well.
    To this day, even when it involves her Granddaughter she doesn’t talk about even though our entire immediate family has it in one form or another.
    But thank you for your kind words.


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