Way too much to handle…

My daughter got out of the hospital on Monday, honestly I didn’t want her to come home. Why?? Because she wasn’t sure if she could safely come home. However, the doctor didn’t seem to care to much about that, so he gave her a new med since the old one obviously wasn’t working. So we were walking home and I had her in tears, I told her why I was so worried about her cutting.

I was/am scared that one of these times she is going to cut too deep and that will be it. She doesn’t seem to taking any of this seriously. So while I felt bad for walking home with her in tears from the hospital. I was ready to turn around and admit her again and have her sent up to Hamilton.

See part of why the doctor sent her home was because I had already set up an appointment with her new counsellor. Which is useless since My daughter doesn’t want to talk to anyone, apparently it’s pointless and she doesn’t like to talk about herself. She is basing this on one useless group a couple years ago and the bridge counsellor that she was seeing. So yes, those two things may not have helped her, but that doesn’t mean that talking about your problems to the right person is bad.

So Tuesday FACS came. The file is closed since there is no protection concern since I did everything I was supposed to. It was also on this day that I had someone over to help me with my math that the ex apparently wanted to come by and get crap from his truck. I didn’t hear the texts since I have him on “Do not disturb”. So while I get his texts my phone doesn’t go off. So ya, his last text was “Hope he treats you properly”

I’m like seriously?? First none of your business as to who I have in my house, and to jump to the conclusion that 1. It’s a guy (which okay it was but, still) 2. That I’m sleeping with him and dating him (which I’m haven’t slept with him and we aren’t dating) I didn’t respond, what’s the point, I owe him nothing. In fact I just want that truck gone, however the landlord is dragging his to get it towed. I was told today or Monday. Whatever I’m about to go over his head and talk to his dad, who is the one that rented me this place and the real landlord.

Wednesday my daughter went to school and all was well. Today though, I woke up at 1pm after going to bed at 10pm the night before. I know that’s a bad, thing and I was right. Depression has hit hard this time, I’m trying to stay ahead of it.

Now I just found out that just over an hour ago, my daughter got a snap chat from a friend that she used to go school with.. it said “goodbye”. And he killed himself, my daughter is so upset she was crying in my arms. She feels like she should have done more to help him, and I kept saying that there wasn’t anything more that she could do to help him and this is why suicide is not an option. I’m hoping as sad as it is that this 13 year old took his life, that it opens her eyes to what happens to the people that are left behind.

I couldn’t imagine what the parents are feeling, but it opens up my eyes to what could happen if she goes down that path. It opens up my eyes to the pain that I put people through with all my attempts. It’s weird though because even though I have been through the attempts, and I suffer from depression, I don’t know what to say to her. It’s heartbreaking.

2 thoughts on “Way too much to handle…

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