I am so tired of people saying that I am doing the right thing. I get that I am however, it doesn’t feel like it.
It feels like I’m making my daughter relive it over and over and I can see the effect that it’s having on her. The thing is this is just the beginning, I don’t know where this will all lead or how far it will go.
I feel like I’m drowning and I know that I can’t break, my daughter needs me to be strong for her. I need to do what my mom never did for me, go after him for her sake, it my own.
That’s what my mom did when I told her about my dad, she used it as a way to get back at him, without thinking what it would do to me.
Of course I blame myself for not seeing it. As a victim I’m supposed to break the cycle and keep this kind of stuff from happening to my children. Sadly all three have been through something, so I feel like I have failed them.
I know that logically I did not fail them because it was not in front of me that this was happening and I didn’t know about it. However, feelings are not logical.