When will it end…

So my ex came by today to talk, we just went around and around in circles. No matter the out come of this whole thing, he will not see me until my daughter has moved out of the house. So we are looking at a minimum of 4 years, provided she moves out to go to college. I understand where he’s coming from, to be honest I can’t stand being in the same room with her right now.

I talked to her last night to let her know that FACS was involved now, and she added more to her story and changed part of it. My gut has never been wrong before, whether I chose to listen to it or not, and right now my gut is screaming that she’s lying.

My ex admitted that on the car ride he was explaining the things you could do BEFORE you decided to have sex with someone and that you should wait until you are REALLY sure that you are first ready to have sex and second be in love with the person. What she has done is take what he said in a generalised why and twisted it into something that he directly said that he wanted to do with her. The things that she is saying and the body language that she is showing are just not adding up.

When I told her last night what was going on as far as the people getting involved, she said that it was none of their business and it’s not child abuse what he did. I’m like if he said those things ya it is both their business and child abuse. So today I got a call saying that we (My daughter and myself) have to meet FACS at 10:00am for an interview. They are going to have a cab pick us up, I don’t know if they will be talking to me, I know for sure they will be talking to her.

When my daughter got home from school I told her, she asked me to cancel it on the grounds that she doesn’t want to miss any more school. Basically the same reason that she wanted me to change her counsellor again. Next week is March Break.. yay!! (not so much) so she asked me to move it to then. I asked her why, when her she wanted to talk about how guilty she felt. She just said that the guilt isn’t so strong anymore.

The sad part about all this is my mom, who we don’t agree on anything, doesn’t think she is telling the truth. So I’m copying the two videos I have of her and some pictures to a DVD to give to FACS. Apparently the interview room that they take the kids in have cameras all over the place and they record everything. So while she is being interviewed she is also being watched and recorded through the cameras. So if she is lying they will be able to tell.

If it’s found that she’s lying, I feel like I might have to ask for her to be placed in temporary foster care to get the real help that she needs to figure out WHY she would lie to this degree. If she’s found to be telling the truth then it is what it is and we move forward. I just don’t see it playing out that way. I guess we play the waiting game (the worst game out there) and see what happens at the end of all this.

Through this whole thing I’m trying so hard to keep my head above the water and failing miserably. No matter what the outcome is it’s a loss for me, I lay in bed each night and cry myself to sleep, I’m exhausted ALL the time and I have gone back to smoking. There is currently nothing in place for me to get help. I know that there are places that I can go to get help but I don’t want the medication side of help, I need someone that I can talk to kind of help. That kind of help costs money that I don’t have though, so I’m S.O.L. So as always I will just have to keep swimming through this nightmare.

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