So yesterday I talked to my daughters counsellor and let her know everything that is going on, as well as past history of the porn and the lying from my daughter, and my relationship with my ex. I knew that on Tuesday when my daughter saw her that it would be brought up, so I took the bull by the horns and gave her all the information, as well as how I was feeling about the whole thing.
So basically the two things that I knew where going to happen, happened. First, she told me I did the right thing in ending it with him, and second she HAD to call Family and Childrens Services, since this was a child safety concern. This is not the first time they have been involved in my life, however the other two times they got involved was because I went into the hospital to get help for my depression, go figure, you go in to get help and you get more stress and hoops to just through when you get out.
So it is now out of my hands, the counsellor told me that she would keep me updated as much as she could as far as what was going on, however I doubt they will tell her anything and she will get back to me on that part. It’s just a waiting game, which I HATE! So I know they will want to talk to my daughter (probably at school) and then the worse part is they are going to want to talk to my ex. That’s more the part that I’m worried about.
He has made it very clear that while she is living here that he will not enter the house or come by when she’s home, which right there if you are a child predator (in my experience) if the door to get back into the child’s life (that you have an interest in) is opened for you, you would jump at the chance. I mean I get that some situations may differ, however, it’s just based on my experience.
Add to the fact that the picture has gotten larger, I have a huge feeling in my gut that my daughter is manipulating me and playing me for a fool. See, yes the porn and the signing up for dating websites started at about age 9 (yes she’s 14 now so that a whole lot of getting caught and lying to me) however, it was last summer that she accused a boy at my friends house (we have been friends for about 12 years, she basically grew up with her son and daughter and the accused was a friend of her sons and went to her school) that he had violated her when he picked her up in wrestling move (from behind, one arm between her legs and one arm around her shoulder) So we flew down there the ex got in the boys face about how you don’t do that to girls and the boy ended up apologising to my daughter and that 12 year friendship was shattered.
So now fast forward about 8 months or so and it’s now happening to my ex, with the accusations. Both him and my daughter know my past history to some degree (he knows it all) and because of this he has stated over and over that he would never do anything like this because of my past. He knew how if anything was to happen to my daughter that way that the person would be in trouble.
So lets look at the last two weeks. The Sunday that I kicked him out her mood was fantastic, all week it was, we did groceries,I made the mistake of giving her internet on her phone plus her Ipad back. Last Sunday I had the talk with her about what could happen to my ex if the police got involved and found that there was credibility to the accusation, I also told her that she could go to jail if the accusations turned out to be false.
That night I took her phone away without warning, found she was talking to the boy about how much they love each other and are going to marry each other. Even though it was the Friday before that we caught her texting all this, not even a week after her girlfriend broke up with her on instagram. Saturday the boy kept texting and ended up over here with his father, where it was explained that my daughter lied to me Friday about who she was going out with, that she is NOT allowed to date and we found out that the reason he kept calling her “babe” and “baby” was because she had told him that’s what she wanted to hear. Sunday the accusation, about 2 weeks after it happened, after 1 more car ride to talk, after countless times of her wrestling with him, after countless times of her sitting between the two of us on the couch.
Fast forward to the next Sunday where it is explained to her what could happen, the texts to and from the boy that she isn’t supposed to be talking about love with, who said that if she ends up in jail he would break the law to get her out, me yelling at her and giving her shit. The next day after school, apparently she had a dream that she slit her wrists, that he mood had never been this bad before, when I asked what happened last night, she said she didn’t know. When I told her she got in major shit, she perhaps needed to retrain her brain and find other coping mechanisms.
Wednesday after school we walked to the mall, I went on my phone maybe three times to answer a text, she told me to get off the phone because we were spending time together. Last night, one of the neighbours who found us a new love seat ended up giving us her chair, so this morning, I didn’t wake up at 7 to my alarm it was more 8:15. She got upset because I didn’t wake up at 7, when I was sitting in the chair she sat on the love seat and said “well, now I’m going to be sitting here all alone”. I just looked at her and was like seriously? We are in the same room, the living room is NOT that big. If we sat where it is set up now and lifted our arm we could touch, so how is that something that would make her be “alone”. We apparently don’t spend enough time together, which is ironic since besides that cat, it’s just the two of us. Like WTF does she want from me?
So Tuesday she has counselling at 9am and actually asked if she had to go to school after. I’m like… ya. Then on Wednesday I have an appointment with Big Sisters to see if I can get her into that. Maybe it will help, maybe it’s just another waste of time.
My concern now, is that if she gets in trouble, am I next to be accused of doing something to her. Of course, I’m also concerned about any future relationships I may or may not have. I asked her on our walk, if it was far that I had to end up alone and miserable, to which she actually said that she would live with me for the rest of my life. I’m like… no, you’re going to get married and have kids. her desire to be stuck at my hip is starting to get a little scary to be honest. She is 14, what 14 year old wants to spend every waking minute with their parents? She has asked to stay home from school so that we can spend time together.
The only time she misses school is when she has an appointment, which then she only misses part of school, or she is throwing up. That has ALWAYS been my rule and it’s not about to change now.
So she asked to walk to school yesterday, I said no because she doesn’t have a cell phone (she takes the bus to and from school) so she said that I could just give it back to her. I’m like nope, I’m done playing her little games. I can’t do it anymore, I can’t handle being lied to and stabbed in the back every time I give her something back. I’m so done.
As for what’s going to happen next with the whole ex thing, I have no idea. As far as my schooling, though it started on the first I have to wait until probably Monday since there are text books involved and you couldn’t ask for them until you signed in. You couldn’t sign in until the 1st and I think that is so dumb. If there are texts required and I got the confirmation email saying I was signed up for the class, why wouldn’t you send any textbooks out BEFORE the class actually started. Yes I have until August 1st to finish the course, however for the first time I have to do the mid-term and final exam with someone watching me. Like I don’t hate tests enough??? So I have to have this all set up before hand, the problem is I don’t know when I will be at the point of doing either tests, there is no timeline really for when you are supposed to have certain modules done. So it’s a guessing game for dates. Frustrating!
I feel lost, confused and have no hope left. I’m done. If it wasn’t for my daughter I would just leave and never come back. I have to stay though because I am a mom first.