Liberation

Today, was grocery shopping day. Now generally speaking my daughter HATES doing groceries, yet she wanted to go. Yesterday after school she wanted to go. So we did the 45 minute walk, with gusting winds and kind of cold. It was 7 degrees but felt like 4 with the wind. Thankfully the rain stayed away. It was pouring this morning and it’s supposed to start up again.

So she was actually happy to go with me. I know that she likes the walks, we talk about random things most of the time. Sometimes important things, other times just odd things. There is little phone use on these walks, which is another nice thing, since at home she is ALWAYS on in. The only time she isn’t is when we are having dinner.

I think part of why she was happy to come along, is because she got things that she likes to eat, that she wanted for snacks at school. With my fiance if she was to get anything it was because she was behaving, and it was a reward. With me, it’s get what she likes to eat because then she will actually eat. Thankfully, my daughter likes her fruits and vegetables, so while there is some not so healthy choices in the snack department, she also asked for things like bananas and apples. So when she goes to school, she takes one of each, the healthy and the not so healthy.

There are also things that she can make herself if say I’m back on my crutches or I’m sick or whatever. They are there if I’m unable to cook, she is also starting to get into the kitchen and watching how to cook, or doing hands on cooking.

Our relationship dynamic has changed, for the better. For that I’m thankful, other then the really long walk to the school, then doctors, then home, walking has been good. Even today with the cold weather and walking my knee doesn’t hurt. I have been worried about that. Although now I have to figure out how to get to a hospital that is not in walking distance, because I have to get my MRI on my head done.

To take a cab there is $35 each way. I have panic attacks on the bus. So I think I’m just going to have to suck it up and spend the money. I know that until things get settled back into a routine where it’s just my money buying the food and paying the bills that it will be tight. Nothing we haven’t been through before and my daughter has always been awesome about it.

Even when my daughter was younger and she asked for a toy or something, if I didn’t have the money and had to say no, she was fine with it. She seemed to somewhat understand at a young age that me saying no was not a final thing, that I just didn’t have the money and she knew that when I did have the money she would get something.

We would go to the store and if she got something she was happy and if she didn’t she never threw a fit about it.

The funny thing is that today after shopping I spent less then we normally do, (Yes I know I’m only feeding two people now) and we bought meat there and everything. Normally we bought meat at the butchers (can’t walk there anymore) My daughter got stuff that she wanted and I spoiled myself by getting something I wanted. Still cheaper then when it was three of us.

That’s because he didn’t like the no name brand stuff, and he ate more then my daughter and myself combined most nights. I don’t mind the no name brand for most things, there are certain items that I buy that can’t be. In the end though it all evens out.

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